Because I'll rather feel pain that nothing at all
by Ginevra1812
Summary: Sometimes we hate and we suffer inside, sometimes the antitode is the venom itself."he was not in hearth but heaven could not give you pain, he was not in hearth but hell could not feel so great.." first fic. reviews? sorry for the mess.


Oh, how much I really hated him ,and how much he loved to remind me that... just to have to share a room with him made me sick. Why did he have to come back? Why had I even saved his life? God, I hate that stupid selfless hero in me that made me give him a hand. Maybe he is right in that... hero complex.. stupid hero complex...but there is not going to be a next time, I don't care if the flames are from hell itself I would not save his life again, no, I would not even attempt, next time I ll watch. I swear.  
Mr. Draco Malfoy standed looking amazed at the effect he could do on Potter.  
Of course its not Potter, its me and my abilities -he thought with pleasure- ah, how delightful is to piss him off, how delightful...and he deserves it for being such a stupid prat, he deserves this and more" look everyone, where is the brilliant and unique Harry Potter? where is he?" everyone, I mean EVERYONE should be watching this, I should record it. where is St. Potter now people? ah, of course, when he displays signs of his weakness everyone turns around.. of course, and when he does some small deed "oh, Mr. Perfect-Potter did again!" ignorand people, how can they be blinded by that..THAT imitation of a wizard? he is not even a pure blood. Ugh there is so much I hate about him, no I don't hate, he does not deserve even that... but there is so much I can't even...ok, I don't care this is taking my fun away.  
-So who is the master now "Harry"? who is smarter and better and obviously more handsome than you?- this, this was going to be some evening, and he was goignt to make him pay for every single thing he'd done to Draco, saving his life was counted between the biggest offences.  
Harry wanted to spit at thim, he felt rage building inside of him, he wanted to scream, he wanted to hurt Malfoy so bad, he wanted to make him pay for this but he could do nothing, he felt desperate and althought a part of his mind was fighting against everything else he felt disconnected from his body, he felt far, far away and with dispair and horror saw how his own mouth oppened and said - yes Malfoy you are, Indeed you are, I have always known that and that is why I have always envied you so much-  
Malfoy lips curled, giving way to a malign smile. Harry still had control of one organt of his body but it did not helped that much. His eyes, he could still move his eyes, they carried his more deep desires and he concentrated in dedicating Malfoy the most digusting, hate filled look he could give, he concentrated with all his strength in hurting Malfoy as much as he could with his eyes, whishing that somehow he could sendd flames through them.  
Malfoy saw the anger filled eyes looking at him and he felt pleased, Potter was finally paying and the humiliation was not going to finish there.  
Where are you Potter?- he said tasting every word that came out of his lips, of such a devil I am., he thought with satisfaction- tell me where are you and why are you here, come on I want to hear it-  
Harry felt his head slowly moving up, no he did not want to look at Malfoy but his eyes stayed fixed and he could not look anywhere else. Now his mouth opened and he just wanted to at least be able to shut his ears so he wont have to listen to what he was about to say but he couldn't, that was part of Malfoy s game. He wanted to humiliate him, he wanted him to be miserable.  
- I am at you feet, Malfoy- he heard himself saying- I am here, as this is the place I ought to be, I am here because you are better than me, because you have done magic I would never be able to do and because I am so weak that I cannot even fight it. I cannot fight you, no one can fight you.  
This was not a fair game, but Draco Malfoy wasn't known for his fairness.  
- Why did are you going out with that Little Weasley slut?- Malfoy spit, he didn't know why he had asked that question but he knew the answer he wanted to hear and he knew that Potter will burn inside by the insunuation of his little slutty thing called girlfriend.. ugh how much he hated the Weasleys as well, how much he would like to kill them, to kill that litlle stupid and disgusting girl, they should have never been even allowed to attend to school, rubbish. And Harry's eyes do sparckled with fury at the mention of the name of his girlfriend and his mouth opened to formulate new words- because I could not find someone better, because she is the only one that coud have taken me , because I can't make anyone to be with me, I am bad with girls, I could not even kiss Cho.- What? Harry was horrorized, petrified. .  
Malfoy was happier than ever. Yes Mr. Great- Potter was a great failure with women, how pleased he was with that, at least them, women, had some common sense.  
Harry wanted with all his soul to kill Mafoy with his eyes, but he noticed that he enjoyed to see those feelings in his eyes, it was the only real harry part he could see, it was the only reason he kept going, becouse if not he could have better found a puppet to play with and make him repeat all those things. Then he decided to relax, to empty his eyes of any expresion as if he were dead. He would not fight against it anymore, he would not fall into Malfoy's trap. - Poor Chang, I mean, I understand she made quite and inhuman efford to go out with you, I mean, evidently she likes fame but I bet with you she just couldn't take it anymore, poor girl, I feel bad of anyone who have to endure with you Potter. Malfoy said with all his hatred and he waited to see that fury in Harry's eyes that would relieve him from his own, but this time he did not see anything. Harry was staring blankly to him, emptiness was inn his eyes, no life. A lightening of fear struck Malfoy for a second- what If Potter somehow had commited suicide inside his own body?. Don't be silly, he pushed away that inapropriate thought and looked back at the guy at his knees. Oh- He understood- so you finally got Potter, don't want to play my game anymore? well well and I was having so much fun with you...Malfoy's voice was trembling with rage and Harry knew a sencond before it happened, a second before he felt the crack on his nose, and saw the blood running through his face. He wanted to laugh now, because this time was Malfoy the one who had lost his temper, and he had gone so low as to employ muggle strength, oh, how sad, poor imbecile Malfoy, ha, this time It had been Harry the one had controled Malfoy emotions and he felt pleased with himself, he could not feel his body, he could not even feel his broke nose, and Malfoy had fogotten it. When he saw potter's eyes shinning with pleasure through the blood, and saw the victory they emaned he understood something had gone wrong. Now he was the horrorised one, he acted as a fool, he had just made a fool of himself in front of Potter again, he had lost his temper and fogotten that he would not even feel his broke nose, and worst of all he had used muggle strength to do it. He wanted to kill himself in that moment, so careless... sucha and act of stupidity, Potter now would go to his friends bragging about that lost of control, for a second he thought about killikg Harry and killing himself afterwards, so he could never be blamed and hee would forever have tha satisfaction of finishing the guy. But only he knew deep down that it was not possible, he did not dare to kill, he was too weak, but he did not recognized that at the moment, he just thought it would be a waste of himself to do that and besides, he could just whip Potter's memory, if it really was that bad. Not it wasn't, he try to calm himself, Potter had a broken nose and had said what Draco wanted to hear, it was all right. Regaining his composture he looked at Potter, what would he say once the spell was removed? will he attack him? that will be perfect, and excuse to broke another part of Potter, he thought, will he yell at him? that will be rewarding enough, he smiled again and unleashed harry of his mental prision before the boy himself could decide how to react. Harry was shocked for a second, suddenly his body did respond to him, suddenly the pain inundated his head, suddenly he could not think clear enough to even yell at Malfoy, then he just decided to remain quiet, he'll do nothing till Malfoy would do something but what if the blonde attacked him again? where was his wand? Harry panicked, Malfoy had removed his wand and now, after all of that, he ll have to overcome his murderous desires to ask Malfoy for his want, and he reminded himself that he ought not to fall into his trap.  
- Would you give me my wand... p-p - oh, he could not say it, but he knew that it would stunned malfoy for at least five seconds in which he ll have time to actually get his wand from Malfoy's pocked- please?  
Something had gone wrong again, Malfoy though, he hadn't retired the spell completetly because Potter was saying "please" , what did he d wrong, maybe the effects were still in there, Potter was supposed to jump over him and try to rip him apart for all he kneww, he blinked in confussion and whe his eyes reopened all he saw were harry eyes looking direnctly into him, less than five inches apart, that stunned him again, that let him breathless and then Potter smiled and turned around, Malfoy could breathe again and has the air climbed to his neurons he saw Potter going toward the door, still bleading with his wand on his hand, - Bastard!- he screamed, realizing how Potter had confused him, and the boy kept walking without even turning back.  
Son of a bitch, he was going to pay, we will pay for that one as well and he looked at his nuckles, they still had the blood of Potter's broken nose, oh that had felt good, and I bet it would have been better if Potter had really felt the pain.. he imagined graving Potter's skin and making the guy suffer, making him feel pain with his own hands, he did not longer wanted a wand, this had become personal.

Harry had not told anyone what had happened , he knew it will be all on Malfoy's acount and everyone will feel bad for Harry. He did not want that. He had been humiliated by Draco Malfoy and it was not just that, he felt he deserved it. For being so foolish as saving his life twice, for being so stupid and believe he could change, for not being able to get a real girl, he loved ginny but he could bet that no other girl would also want him, and people knew it. The prick had been right, and he deserved everything for being so foolish, stupid, inocent and wanting to play the role of St. Potter The Savior. He hated Malfoy with all himself and he hated himself as well.

Malfoy's life wasn't father expected perfection of him, and he could not even keep his temper with Potter, although he tried he could no be, and he would never be that perfect child his parents seemed to want. And this was frustating, He hated them, because he blamed them of what he was, despair, he could not feel other than dispair and rage, oh and envy, his heart was empty, nothing was pleasant anymore, nothing but seen others suffer, he reminded himfelf, but such a sad pleasure, knowing that he could make others actually taste something of his own living hell. Yes he had no heart, thanxs to those whoe brought him up, and yes a part of him was proud, very proud of this because this way he was not weak. Was he?

Gray tuned dark for Draco Malfoy, the reminders of his parents on how he as supposed to honour the family, on how he was supposed to act now that the Dark Lord had gone made him feel like a puppet, but no one, no one was allowed to see that. He had rage and hatred accumulating every day towards those so called parents, towards any walking being over the planet. He hated all of them, he wish he could torture them so they'll how it felt to be him, he wished too much. He was alone, and who cared? no woman yet deserves me, he thought proudly, no woman I have seen deserves yet to be my victim. He looked at the mirror before going out of the ministry toilets and saw he emptiness of a pair of grey eyes looking at him, cold, empty eyes, he thought, and smiled. What did he cared about the rest of the world? He was the devil, the devil himself.

Harry Potter had to be on his way that day, as a signal, Mr. Happily-ever-after-Potter. the glorious charachter of the end of the story, mighty-potter, how irritatin was to see him, he couldn't stand to share the same space with him.  
Harry had just gotten to the ministry, some asembly concerning the use of dark magic had been cast and he, the saviour of the world had been called- oh , how he did not care about all this, he just wanted to rest, Voldemort was gone and he was no expert or bright wizard to give and opinion in some of the matters exposed, how much he did wanted to leave, until he saw the presence of Malfoy there, he was about to stand and leave, he was not in humor to face him, he was not angry, he just wanted to be left alone, too much pain inside him and no one seemed to know, no one seemed to care about how he really felt, about all the people how had died, and how he could not understand the light shining above him he felt he was dragged down.. down. Draco was not happy either and this almost made him smile. Although a part of him did not even had strength to hate him anymore. -Oh, had a lovely time exibiting yourself in frnt of the ministry?  
Harry kept walking he would not answer.  
-mmm... what now? did u become shy suddenly, I mean, I know such I great thing I am.- Harry kept walkin, trying to go faster-aw aw... you want to get away right? don't want to face me anymore? all those lives u saved right? but u could not saved those who really mattered to you.  
Harry stood still. He turned around, it was true and he was going to face it. He looked at Mafoy and Malfoy expected him to say something back but no, Harry just looked at him waiting for more.  
Where are you friends Potter? Do they care about you now u saved the world? How is the slut? How many times does she ask for you, because I heard she found someone better, well, how wouldn't she? I mean, how could anyone be worst than you- Malfoy spat more venom, he wanted to hurt him,he wanted to hurt him bad. Harry got him from his throat in a second of rage - go Malfoy, go, go to your perfect house, with your perfect parent that give you everything, go and live your happy life because you do not understand and will never understand any of this. You will never now what I feel... Mafoy's hand was on his throad as well.- I don't know? How you dare to say I don't know? Do you even know me potter? do you even know how I leave?- Harry could feel the boy's breath against his cheeck, why couldn't he punche him, hit him until he was unconscious? Harry did not want to be there, he did not want to exist- Go an fuck your rich mum's ass Malfoy- he said and if he expected malfoy's punch in his face he did not get it.  
Malfoy had an excuse now for what had wanted to do long time ago he pushed Potter to the wall of the empty room and he made a blade appear. Got him from his messy hair and push his head to the wall. He was so close, he rested the blade in his cheek and slightly pressed against till blood started coming out, Harry Loocked at him, horrorized- You think I don't know pain Potter?- he hissed- Now Im going to let you now what pain is, don't you want a taste of MY pain?.- and with the blade pressing his neck face he kissed him.  
Harry tasted blood and he tasted the pain of his lips breaking at the vioulence of Malfoy's kiss.  
Harry's head spinned around. Malfoy's head wanted to punish harry for everything, everything he had done, everything that had caused him to be as empty as he was. For being frequietly compared with him, for everything, even for things he did not know. He bit harry's lips so hard they bleed, he grabed his back with his fingers and pressed till haryy cried, he wanted to bruise him, tu hurt him, he felt his rage going out when he did it. And harry felt the pain and th release of all his sadness with it. He felt how this guy, his worst enemy was craving and ripping into his body, creating conducts for his internal pain to finally go, go away, he felt Malfoy's nails sunk into his back and wanted to hurt, he wanted to forget. Malfoy wanted to forget as well.  
He went for his neck and close his teeth in the white skin of Harry, Harry's eyes went close as he cncentrated in feeling, feeling that physical pain, feeling how gloriously Draco's teeth sank into his flesh asking for more till he moved to the next part. Was that Heaven or was it Hell? none of then new. none of the cared.  
Harry's skin was soft, and Draco wanted to feel it, he wanted to taste it, to break it, he felt again how his teeth sanked into his abdomen, how the boy trembled and gave produced a sound that mixed pain and pleasure ant the same time, draco sank his finger in his sides, slide them down and saw how a red path was left after him. Harry was feeling too much.  
There was nothing else in his mind.  
But it was too much.  
He could sense the blood running slowly throught his lips, making them red,and there was no space for more feeling, he was not in hearth but heaven could not give you pain, he was not in hearth but hell could not feel so great. He felt something that he had never felt at all, he felt everything at once. It ran through all his body warning him to stop, it run alerting every single part of his body but when it got to its soul it exploded, and he felt free, he felt high until the same pressure drag him down, down again, to hell with the same velocity of the devil it self, the pain, and then it was released and harry could fly, fly again and it hurt, it hurt too much but I did not make him cry, he opened his eyes- confused disoriented, with so many feelings at the same time and saw those gray eyes- why?- that's the only thing he could ask. _ The only thing I can give is pain, that is what I am.  
-take me, take me please, make me foget about all of this. And he felt it again, his teeth, his nails, his insides, he wanted more and more did not seem enough.  
Draco closed his eyes, taking him, hurting him, seen him fall and rise, he must be the worst creature in hearth, no he was even worst than that, that thought made him smile. - I'm the devil, imthe devil besides you-  
It had to be the devil, harry though, it had to be something like that. - take me to hell then, take, don't let me come back- and Draco did, as a dragon in the night. 


End file.
